I can tuck mytits in my pants
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
