The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
