i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
