I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
