And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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