Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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