Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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