If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
