We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
