"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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