My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
