we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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