I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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