i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm going to jail i love you
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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