Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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