just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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