I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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