he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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