I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I am naked and annoyed.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
