On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
