thus making me awesome and them whores
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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