Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
