I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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