i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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