Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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