So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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