Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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