my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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