can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
