He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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