I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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