My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
