apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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