I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
