I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
