I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
