I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
