He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dicks are not precious.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
