hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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