It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
