my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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