I think my fart just growled at me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
