I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
