K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
