Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
