guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
