Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
