I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Randomize
