I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
