just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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