Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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