it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
