I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have fence marks all over my body
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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