there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
