You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
