So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
