slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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