When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
