turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
