Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
