I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my vag is so smooth its legendary
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
