Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize