Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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