we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
