I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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