dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize