i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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