he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
