first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
