Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
