the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
