im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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