I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
