Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize