What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
