You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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