My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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