Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...

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(662): View more from Mississippi

I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.

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(516): View more from New York

And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.

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(905): View more from Ontario

He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer

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(607): View more from New York

Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles

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(773): View more from Illinois

Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.

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(805): View more from California

You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire

(213): View more from California

A hand job? Are you 12?

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