I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
