remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
