Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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